I-message

The I-messages, even self- revelations are statements that tell their own opinion and their own feelings. She finds a context in four-page model ( Schulz von Thun). Formulations with " you " or "we " refer to one and the other unasked build thus unintentionally blockages; in this way protects the speaker by a tank of generality ( commonplaces ).

An I-message consists of a feeling and a fact share: The own feelings to be expressed in the first person. What caused the feelings will be told in factual information part of the message:

Example: " When I realized that I have to wait, I was very disappointed! "

The use of certain words such as " back " or "always", it is in an I-message to be avoided. Through these generalizations is the statement to a killer phrase: they attack the recipient and provoke a fruitless confrontation situation.

Raised in the I - form, expressed feeling moods are not hurtful criticism of the other person, as it is often at Du messages (eg, " You're lying, always !") Is the case. The I-message avoids a barren confrontation situation and reflects the fact that the first speaker has a problem, not the person addressed.

• I-messages are an important method of de-escalation, as they make the receiver yielding and give in easily.
• The speaker of a I-message is a person with feelings, with strengths and weaknesses and not a demi-god who stands above it all. This is a partnership of a hierarchical- authoritarian.
• I-messages lay the responsibility for further events in the hand of the interlocutor.
• I-messages promote I-messages of the other. This creates an atmosphere of openness and intimacy.

Note

• Some putative I-message is not such, but in reality, a reproach, an accusation, a judgment and thus you message. Example: "I think you're lazy" is equal to " You are lazy".
• Some of you message occurs face-down on ( and then acts may particularly hurtful ). Example: "That's nonsense ," as equivalent to reply to something That said, " You're talking nonsense bare ". Fair would be: " I ​​can see the meaning of what you say, do not recognize. "
• Even more important than the message about a disappointment is a joy. Example: " The last hour has pleased me very well, because we have worked so well together. "
• Attenuator wear out, act insecure and devalue what has been said. Example: " It makes me a bit sad that you sometimes is so no matter. "

• Method of communication